Form and Function
Loosely based on real life events.
No animals were harmed during the production of this piece and one sincerely hopes
that remains the
case post it's perusal
/******************** DISCLAIMER ***********************/
So,
last night my friend Ant from the USofA whatsapped me , telling me excitedly
how her 8 yr old son won the Spelling Bee Contest in his school at his grade
level. My immediate, possibly harsh response was 'Oh, congratulations! You have
now become one of THOSE NRI parents' accompanied by a sardonic emoji which she rightly
ignored and proceeded to spell out (yes, intended) all the gory details of how
nerve wracking it was for parents to see their child go through those multiple
elimination rounds and how it reminded her of her own quizzing contest travails
as a child.
When
she was finally done with her piece and perhaps found her peace (again
intended) with me, she finally confessed that she never thought she would one
day become THAT NRI Parent.
All
this talk of THIS n THAT with her triggered an epiphany in me ... THAT i was a
'THAT' too in my own way...
Let
me explain ...so I’ve joined a gym recently (Yes that's right you lazy fucks who
joined a gym only in the New Year as
some sort of resolution to god knows what! I start the previous year in December and will
probably end in March – yeah that's how I’m going to steal a ‘march’ over you)
.
Anyhoo,
at this gym I’ve met this young, nubile 22 yr old gal with whom I’ve hit it off
SENSATIONALLY WELL!!
Yes
you heard that right, me a 40+ yr old middle aged man hitting it off with a 22
yr old woman.
I
always used to wonder what is the deal between younger women and older/middle
aged men, never understood that equation and then just like that it struck me
while speaking to my friend ANT about this other 'THAT' THAT I have become THAT
middle-aged man!
Now
THAT I AM, I think i am finally beginning to see why!
You
see, men and women have always been wired differently - though the underlying
principle has been the same, in what i'd like to call the form and function
theory.
Women
have been wired to choose function over form (given that they are so blessed
with 'form') while us shapeless, out of 'form' guys with a tool dangling
between our legs (clearly meant for functional use only) were obviously wired
to always choose form over function.
The
mind always craves for what the body does not have?
Nothing
screams 'functional' to me like a middle aged man. I hear you screaming back at
me saying 'WTF SOM! A middle aged man in
his 40s is anything but THAT - You may say life for him is on slow ebb - Be it
his hairline, his testosterone, his wrinkled ball sac….
Aha!
That is where i have you! I say it is this very slow ebb and the domesticities
of life/marriage that has dulled his ability/freedom to translate every thought
of his out loud into actual speech.
It
is this trait that endears him most to young women only who have the vanity to
truly believe that the world revolves around them and would love nothing more
than sharing this world view with anybody and all they need is a guy who can
shut the fuck up and lend a patient, well-worn ear to them.
Hail
the middle aged man who puts the definitive 'F' in 'Function'
and
THAT is your middle-aged man signing off
-S
